Games 6

Six Degrees of Separation:

Connect		To
West Side Story		Kevin Bacon

Who Would Win in a Fight?

Mickey Mouse	vs.	Bugs Bunny

Thousand-Word Jokes 3

Click the Images to See Full-Size

I Wonder If They're Hiring.	Bryan Called Jesse "Banana Breath."	Safer Than Kevlar (It's Made of Condoms
She's Ready for Domestic Life.	For Every Animal You Don't Eat, I'm Going to Eat Three.	The City Decided That This Was the Least Confusing Traffic Pattern.

Something Else to Laugh at...

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one."

And finally...

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, and Patrick had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”

The first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off.

So I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and started hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell—but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.”

“That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Patrick, and he let the man in.

The second man comes up and Patrick explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. “It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved! But then he started beating on me and kicking me. I managed to hold on until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but okay. Just when I was thinking I was going to be all right, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me, killing me instantly. And, now I’m here.”

Once again, Patrick had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Patrick explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

“OK, picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

Games 5

NEW GAME!

Who Would Win in a Fight!?

Round 1:

Eminem	vs.	Moby?

Round 2:

Jean Claude van Damme	vs.	Steven Seagal?

Round 3:

Hillary Duff	vs.	A Smelly Sock?

Games 4

Marry/ Fuck/ Kill...

Let's See Who Can Play the Game without Cheating...
I Tried to Make These Easier than the Last One,
Which So Many of You Pussies Bitched About.

Stuck-Barefoot-in-the-Kitchen Edition

Martha Stewart	Rachael Ray	Julia Child?

Look!-Attractive-People Edition

Adrian Grenier	James Franco	Ian Somerhalder?

Thousand-Word Jokes 2

A Quickie of Jokes:
Read the Signs

It Can Go 9

Ashlee Simpson...



Ashlee, How Could I Have I Forgotten You!
Well, Really, We All Want To.
I Hope That You End up on a Private Jet
with Paris Hilton, and You Know That Bitch
Won't Get off of Her Cell Phone
(Not Even During Sex... You Know You've Seen That Clip.)
Then Your Dumb Ass Thinks It's Okay,
So Now You Two Dumb Shits Are Chattin' It Up
Like People Actually Want to Talk to You.
Now the Plane's Equipment Goes Apeshit;
Paris Runs around Flapping Her Arms
(Fly, Bitch, Fly).
She's Yelling at You, "Do Something!"
You Smack Her across the Face
and Toss Her Dumb Ass out of the Plane.
(Thank You for That).
It Would Almost Redeem You,
But It's Too Late for That...
You're Insides Are Splashed All Over
the Crash Site.

Games 3

Marry/ Fuck/ Kill...
Who-Loves-Bush Edition

John Bolton	John Roberts	Samuel Alito?

No Sporking!

Thousand-Word Jokes 1

Just Some Pictures...
I'm Lazy.


Ok, I Hate to Make Fun of the Handicapped...
Well, No I Don't.



This Isn't a Joke;
I Just Wanted Everyone to See
What an Artist My Daughter Is.
Ok, It's Not My Daughter.



Now, Emily, Show Us
Where Daddy Touched You.

Games 2

I'm a Little Behind in My Posts,
So in My Superhero Style,
I'm Going to Catch Up...
NOW!

Marry/Fuck/Kill
Grab-Your-Cape,-You've-Pulled Edition

Christian Bale	Tom Welling	James Marsden
Batman	Superman	Cyclops?

Oh, You Think That's Hard...
Just Wait.

Marry/Fuck/Kill
Mutants and Nip/Tuck
Grab-Your-Oxycontin-You've-Pulled Edition

Rebecca Romijn	Famke Janssen	Kelly Carlson
Mystique	Jean Grey/	Kimber Henry?
	Phoenix/
	Ava Moore

Speaking of Rebecca Romijn...

Marry/Fuck/Kill
Oh/Have/Mercy

Bob Saget	John Stamos	Dave Coulier
Danny Tanner	Uncle Jesse	Uncle Joey?

Here's Some Other Pictures I Found While Searching,
And I Can't Get Away with Not Using Them.

First, You Want to Touch the Bale, Don't You?


Next...

How Fucking Adorable Is This!?



Welling's Baby? Who Knows? But I Had to Post It.

I Cannot Say Enough Greath Things about Bald Men.


Michael Rosenbaum.

Not Sure Why I Didn't Include Him
In Any of the Games...
I Guess I Would Get Jealous
If Anyone Said That They
Were Going to Marry or Fuck Him.
And I'd Be Ultra-Defensive
If Someone Were to Suggest Killing Him.

And Finally,


Kelly Carlson

On Everwood.
Selling Ephram a Fake ID.